In an extraordinary demonstration of self-sacrifice, some 35% of the British electorate decided yesterday to donate their votes to the 2% of the population burdened with the responsibility of having more than enough. Marketing consultants for the ‘Screw the Poor, Feed the Rich’ campaign, through the columns of the Daily Post and The Pun, have expressed their delight at the generosity displayed.

A Mr N Clegg of sister organisation ‘Power at All Costs’ said he was too busy just now, counting the cost. He had, however, been ‘happy to help’ in the build-up to the campaign.

Meanwhile, spokespeople for other leading groups had little to say. Mr E Miliband, formerly of ‘Adopt a Banker’ was now actively engaged in seeking a new executive director for the long-standing charity ‘Poverty of Ideas’. North of the border, we caught up with the senior partners in the successful advertising firm of Salmond & Sturgeon, just filling their boats in readiness for a long holiday, who contented themselves with a cryptic ‘Told you so’.

A Mr N Farage, leading light of the ‘Don’t Care in the Community’ movement, was thought to be crying into his beer.

Commenting on the outcome of the campaigns, our editor, reclusive author Brian Crooks, said: ‘Oh, dear. Oh, dear; oh, dear; oh, dear. Oh, shit’.